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Dear friends :)

I want to wish all of you a wonderful May Day & a great witchy Walpurgis Night :)

Don't get caught by the witchcraft ;)

Kindest regards,

Cosima :)

Wishing a Happy Earth Day to all of you :)

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Hello my dear friends :)

As I promised I want to fill this site with more english stuff for you to enjoy and here it is - I start posting my very first novel ever which was a so-called fanfiction :) Please have mercy when some english words or phrases seem a little odd but keep in mind please that it's not my native language as a German girl ;)

Before you can enjoy I have to say that this is a fanFICTION which means none of the events took place and all the famous skaters are only in it because of my huge admiration for their work and my love for this sport :) I want to take the opportunity to thank them all for the incredible inspiration that made me start writing at all & also a huge thank you for Billy Joels wonderful song that influenced me in writing this down, too :)

And here it goes, please enjoy part 1 of my fanfiction "Just the way you are", any feedback and comments or sharing welcome :)

Just the way you are

Sasha Ansbach sat on the couch in her appartment. She read her favorite-book. A young girl meets her figure skating-idol by chance and after some dramatic turns her dream comes true and they find to each other. She must have read the book already at least 1000 times, but she always had to cry at the same points.

Despite all, it was only a story.

Completely made up.

And even if Sasha loved to dive into her little dream-world, so she was sufficiently realistic to know that something similar never happens in the real life.

At least in her life.

Sasha was a rather quiet, sensitive type, that retreated quickly into her shell, if she felt treated unjustly or offended. Whoever didn't know her usually took her this attitude for arrogance. She didn't let many people close to herself. This had 2 reasons. First, the death of the grandmother, that she experienced with 15 years skin-near, had shaped her. She had loved her grandmother, she still loved her. She often missed her and if everything around her lay in shards once again, Sasha often thought of her and cried. She had had a wonderful childhood. Despite the alleged „blemish “, that some dull people and gossip-aunts around her, felt as such: she had had no father, was reared by her mother and her grandmother. Both had formed Sasha with much love and hug-heat to the human being, that she was now. She was infinitely grateful to both, her Mom Linda and her grandmother Agnes for that,...even if she sometimes could not show this. The other reason for her introversion was her look, which not corresponded to her ideas from beautiful. She was too small for her weight, expressed nicely. There were admittedly days, of which she thought,: hey, you look not so badly at all....but these days were rare. And so 2 sad green-brown eyes usually looked at her in an actually lovable face in her mirror.

Sasha shut her book and looked at the clock. It was short before 2 pm. In half an hour, she wanted to meet with her Mom. In the Saddle Dome in Calgary.

After her grandmother was dead, Sasha had emigrated with her Mom to Canada. That was now 14 years ago already. In Germany, her mother had already been a sought-after figure skating-trainer. When the offer to coach new figure skating-talents in Calgary lay after Agnes ' death on the table, she agreed, because there were no further relatives or other obligations which bound them on Germany, they had the freedom to do this step.

And they had not regretted it so far.

The life in Calgary was simply fantastic.

The surroundings.

The people.

Well, one must first win the by nature rather introverted Canadian with much patience for oneself. If one has managed this, one has found a friend for life.

It was, in short, a quite new life-feeling in this country, which had turned in short time into a second home for them.

Furthermore it entails some conveniences if you have a figure skating-trainer as mother.

Sasha had got to know many stars personally in the course of the time. First through shows and championships to which she, thanks to her Mom, always had backstage-passes and second through the fact, that she spent the biggest part of her leisure time with watching her mother when she’s coaching.

So she had got to know the Swiss Stephane Lambiel for example.

After he was deceived by the jury-mafia at the European Championships in Lausanne 2002 about a bronze -, or even silver-medal, he had placed all hopes into the Olympic winter-games in Salt Lake City and the Worlds in Nagano. However he could not repeat his outstanding performance of Lausanne especially since the biggest part of the already known world-elite was present at both competitons.

Sasha regretted all that even more, because as an only 16-year old one he had skated in Lausanne the free program of his previous life and was not rewarded for it.

In the end, a for his circumstances flawful Alexei Yagudin made it to the very top, followed by a Alexander Abt who had normally earned after an outstanding performance instead of Yagudin gold and on the third place ranked a middle-splendid Brian Joubert.

Sasha couldn’t understand the world at that time.

Had all the judges been blind?

Had no one discovered the unbelievable potential, that was in this young skater?

Yes.

One person had discovered it.

And that was Sashas Mom Linda.

After the debacle in Lausanne, the disappointing winter-games and the WM, Stephane had called Linda personally. She requested 2 days of time to consider. Her telephone rang in the evening of the second day. Stephane called once again.

And Linda agreed.

Admitted, the agreement took place for 2 reasons: Firstly, Sasha had bothered Linda permanently in these 2 days:“You MUST coach him, he’ll be great someday, I can feel it!“, and secondly Linda had of course also noticed at the first sight that she held an uncut diamond in the hands, waiting only for the right cut.

And so he stood with Linda on the ice 1 day later and trained.

He trained for his 1. European Champion-title.

At that time, Sasha was in the Saddle Dome more often than otherwise, because it was something special to see how an uncut diamond turns into a jewel.

And this young Swiss fascinated her with his skills.

He was the pirouette-king without a crown.

His „Cirque you soleil “-program was the sweetest she had ever seen.

How he imitated a tightrope walker on the ice....it simply had an irresistible charm.

Just like Stephane himself.

But despite intensive flirting from his side, he was more like a little brother for Sasha even if this didn't always please him.

From the first day of his stay in Calgary on, they had got along very well with each other.

Stephane and Sasha became friends quickly.

Very good friends.

And if Stephane could have decided, maybe even more would have been able to become of them. But Sasha had taught him gently that this would never happen. After all, she was almost 10 years older.

So they had agreed to be the very best friends and always be there for the other if there were difficulties.

But sometimes „forgot “Stephane this „agreement “and spread a charm, that she could hardly escape. But Sasha couldn’t take offence at him and sometimes enjoyed it even.

Last year, at the Euros 2004, Stephane had asked Sasha to come to the competition as his personal lucky charm.

She had traveled with her Mom often to competitions, but a skater, that Linda trained, had never asked her whether she would like to be as his talisman.

Usually, they were much too excited to think of something like that.

Apart from it, Sasha would also have refused since she couldn’t and don’t wanted to take so much responsibility.

But when Stephane wore his „please-please-please!“- gaze, not even Sasha could refuse him something. Furthermore she knew how much it meant to him to know her at his side, on the maybe most decisive day of his career, the possible 1. European Champion-title of Stephane Lambiel from Switzerland.

He had worked 2 years very hard and Linda had supported and demanded him after best strengths.

And the work had paid off. He had already climbed the top clearly in the short-program. Alexei Yagudin had landed chance-loosely after 2 falls on place 4, Plushenko had canceled due to an injury.

Then, the free program came.

Sasha stood trembling at the edge, not far away from the Kiss & Cry-Area.

It was a question of all or nothing.

Her hands hurt from keeping her fingers crossed and from the cold, but Sasha hardly noticed it.

She concentrated on Stephane, who left again the whole skater-elite far behind him.

Never previously, his jumps had landed so dreamily safely.

Never previously his program was so full of emotion and power of expression.

Never previously, his pirouettes were so breathtaking.

When he had finished his program, he earned standing ovations for minutes. The public celebrated its new European Champion. Tears of joy ran over Sashas face. Also Stephane couldn’t believe his luck and had let his feelings out. The whole hard work, the intensive training, how much blood, sweat and tears he had invested into his big goal, it hadn’t been in vain.

He knew whom he had to owe this. To the biggest part of course Linda, from whose experience and professionality he had profited enormously. She had made him to that which he was now, European Champion 2004.

But he had also another person to owe this.

Sasha.

Even if she had clarified from the beginning that both would never become lovers, she was always there for him if he needed her the most.

She was it, that comforted him, if something had went wrong in the training and not so as he had thought it.

She cheered him up again if there was a dispute with Linda.

She encouraged him again and again not to resign so shortly before the first big goal in his life.

In the Kiss & Cry-Area they fell each other crying into the arms. Tears of the joy ran also over Lindas face. She was so proud of Stephane.

They waited for the marks.

Yeaaaaah, already in the artistry marks 4-times 6.0...this could outbid no one.

And the marks for presentation.....

Aaaaaaaaah, 6-times 6.0!!!

Now, it was official.

The European Champion 2004 was Stephane Lambiel from Switzerland!

That was almost 1 year ago.

Despite many lucrative offers, to shift into the pro-camp and to skate in shows, Stephane stayed with Linda. And with Sasha. He knew, what he had to owe both, and wouldn’t forget this for no money of the world.

Also not, as Alexei Yagudin snatched away the certainly believed gold-medal before the nose from him at the Worlds 2004 in Dortmund.

Sasha was once more of the solid conviction that things had not been right.

Yagudin had slipped up the triple Salchow and with the quadruple Toeloop he had also to do magic badly in order not to kiss the ice.

But Stephane had shown a flawless program again.

No shaking, no slipping, nothing.

But he didn't complain.

He was pleased like a snow-king about the vice-title.

He had asked Sasha again to come along, and that she had agreed again, that was the most important for him.

This time, he was the one who had to comfort Sasha. She had hoped so much that he makes it. To see him robbed of the victory again, hurt her.

She was pleased of course also about the vice-title, no question, even if he wouldn’t have made it to rank in the first 3 places, this would have altered nothing between them.

No, something else depressed her.

As they were out of the gaze - and hearing-field of cameras and microphones, Stephane asked Sasha what’s wrong.

Sasha: You see, that’s what you get from taking your „lucky charm “everywhere! I have failed!

As a result, he first dried the tears, that still ran over her cheeks, took her into his arms and kissed her forehead.

Stephane: Cheri, I never want to hear something similarly stupid again! You have already brought me so much luck! Would I be an European Champion without you? Probably hardly! And if I wouldn’t have had you at my side today, I wouldn’t have become even vice-World-Champion! You know exactly how much it means to me to know you in my proximity! Therefore, I want NEVER to hear such nonsense from you again, Sasha! D'accord?

He called Sasha only by her first name if something was very serious for him. She felt that it was very important for him to know that she does well and she hadn’t to blame herself for anything.

She was very gratefully for him for this affectionate gesture and kissed him on the cheek.

Next year, Stephane, next year no one can stand in your way to the very top, she thought.

I wish you all a wonderful and very Happy Easter, relaxed days off with all your loved ones around & a busy easter bunny <3

Springtime Easter-Greetings,

Cosima :)

My dears :)

Everything was said concerning my way as a writer... I THOUGHT ;) But as so often in life, there always comes a surprise around the corner when you would expect it at the very least :) In this case, even a highly enjoyable one :)

Some of you will have seen on my blog, that there are now also Ebooks available from me.

That's funny in even two ways, because 1. it came to these publications in a hurry and 2. I was so very skeptical about the media Ebook ;)

But first things first :D

Thanks to a crazy coincidence, I came across the so-called self publishing. I had to deal with that kind of stuff in the past on several occasions, but it was then all about, as mentioned in some columns before, "real" books that would have been an enormously expensive thing with printing subsidy or self-buying costs.

But in this Ebook-Self publishing area I read my eyes sore, looking for something small printed, which also just wanted to pull out money from my pocket.

When I found nothing of the sort, despite intense round reading the terms on and on, I had to wrestle down the next bastard: my antagonism towards ebooks.

Call me old fashioned, call me not compatible with today's time, but as far as books, I am a very puristic person who needs the feeling of paper between her fingers while reading. Not to mention the feeling of an OWN book, made of flesh and blood, or in this case, made of paper and printer's ink to hold in your hands.

In short, I was a little worried again, coupled with doubts, but what did I have to lose?

So I plowed my way through the self - publishing process until I had finally made it :)

And what can I say? Already the 2nd Ebook made everything much easier to work on :) When I published my first big novel, which firmly set one day my reputation as a kitsch auntie, it was still a different feeling, because this one had a whole lot of heart and soul in it :) And if it reaches at the free ebooks place number 14, I think that it wasn’t a so stupid idea to include eBooks to my repertoire ;)

In this sense I wish you lots of fun (even with my ebooks ;) ) :-*

Best wishes from your Cosima :)

Dear honeys :)

Column-time is here again ;) Today I want to share how I faced bravely another challenge in writing.

As the title of my column implies, some time somebody came up with the crazy idea that I should try to write a fantasy or mystery story. Because you know me by now, you know accordingly exactly how I have dealt with such a crazy suggestion - RIGHT! I broke into laughter, which alternated with pointing my finger to my forehead into the direction of the one who had the idea ;)

But seriously now: Fantasy? Mystery? Where you much, much more must be careful to logical storylines and the awful feeling of not contradict 2 pages later what you wrote before to avoid being the target to some Mr. Know-it-all-and-know-it-all-much-better who can rip the whole thing apart in 3 minutes? Do I wanted to do this to me? NO! Well, not really, but in principle ... . So it was here again as it always was: at first complete rejection, then awakened ambition and finally trying the impossible ;)

So I went to my first fantasy-story, but it should be different stuff than I thought.

I had looked for a contest with the subject and began to write. Oddly, I noticed that it was surprisingly easy to me writing it, at least for a subject I had always rejected.

However- the easy going of the writing of course, had its price: 30,000 character limit for characters including spaces! I could definitely not follow this rule, as I had built up the novel, but now I fell in love with the story and wrote it on. However, I did not want to miss the competition. So I quickly wrote the next story, but again I was too extravagant for the character limit.

After some cuts, although I disliked them, but it was necessary for the observance of the delivery date, I had managed to have a printed short story in 2 versions: the original "director's cut" as I since then call my first try and the shorter version for the contest :)

In the end, the story did not make it into the anthology, but I actually didn’t really care, because I was too proud and happy that I had overcome myself again, against my own principles, to take the step into a new literary world :)

It was also certified to me that the story may not fit into the anthology, but had received much positive response for an independent publication and this point is pretty high on my to-do list ;)

Thank you for your kind attention, my friends :)
Take care of yourself and feel embraced by your Cosima :)

My dears :)

This time I want to tell you about the immense suffering to tinker a kitschgirl into a passable thriller writer ;)

As mentioned in previous columns, I started my writing in the romantic-naive area.

I don't know why, but somehow it remained until today that love stories still go out of hand much more easier than anything else.

It must probably be due to the incorrigible romantic-kitsch-chick who I am, still, despite some setbacks, deep down in the heart ;)

Maybe it's because a love story doesn't need to be 100% logical and you don't have to constantly pay attention to not contradict what is written 2 pages before.

Yes, I think exactly this convenience made me rest quietly and contentedly on my pink cloud of turtledoves lovey-dovey, kitsch and heartbreak, early in my writing ;)

But in the family was stirring resistance. "Now stop this love drama and stuff to write something cooler, an exciting thriller!", I heard my mom say one day. Whew, touchdown! As usual, when I was facing new challenges in writing in my way, I turned to be deaf and stubborn. "Me and crime? NEVER! There will be so many nerds and extra-clevers to rip my story apart in 5 seconds, no thanks!"

But basically my mom had achieved her goal; sure she knew me quite a while ;) She knew that my ambition and my will to fight has always been greater than anxieties and insecurity.

So I sat down at my first crime story, however, as a compromise (or out of spite, who knows ;)) settled in figure skating AND still had a lovey-dovey-part as a side story to the content. It was still very subdued, but at least the criticism in the family stopped - temporarily ;)

That's why I wrote my first short crime stories, and also tried to install from there in my fan fiction more criminal elements.

In September 2009, it was done: my first short thriller was released :)

In a writing competition to 20 thrillers from 200 submissions had qualified for the publication and one of them was me :)

That was one of the best days of my writer existence, for Top 20 out of 200 is already really great for a newbie I was back then :)

It took a while to overcome the radical change to another genre , but now I have arrived and I feel comfortable with that, especially since I see it as a compensation to still writing my heartbreak fanfiction, so I do not quite unlearn ;)

Motivated by this success and inspired by the divine Dan Brown, who shaped my writing tremendously in that time, I sat down and wrote sometime even a really big thriller, not only the short form.

The writing gave me so much fun, and I also didn't care anymore about that a professional affected probably would have found one or the other weakness in the chain of reasoning, which was enormously liberating.

So my most absolute best work was created (yes, there speaks the vain, prejudiced artist and also when self-praise stinks, I can bear the smell so happy ;)), which so far is unfortunately still unpublished, but hey, what would life be without dreams and goals?

Thank you for your kind attention :)
Take care of yourself and feel embraced by your Cosima :)

Dear friends :)

This time I would like to tell you why fanfics will ALWAYS remain an important part of my life :)

It is often said that the first book that you read, the first movie to be seen, the first theatre play experienced on stage, always measures everything that's following. This is actually true, and perhaps some of you can confirm that.

In particular, however, this is also true in the writing for me. As mentioned in my first column, my writing career started with a fanfic, which was located in figure skating.

It should follow 2 more, in which I ventured, however, somewhat bolder ahead with thriller elements, but about this part I tell you in detail in a forthcoming column ;)

Due to issues concerning topic specifications in tenders, I must confess, that the market for figure skating stories was sown extremely thin, in other words, figure skating didn't take place in any of the tenders.

So in the meantime I had moved away a quite bit from fanfics in general and figure skating fanfics in particular.

Until I discovered how much fun writing brings when you stretch the fanfic-area from sport to movie, television and music :)

It was in 2004, when the wave of enthusiasm about the LOST series got to me quickly and soon a "victim" was found: Dominic Monaghan was the first non-figure-skater, immortalized by me in a fanfic :) It made mad fun designing a completely made-up scenery that even included his fellow hobbit Billy Boyd in a supporting role.

The really great thing about writing fanfics is that you dive into the scenery while writing the story and see everything from the perspective of the protagonists like a movie played in your mind.

From then on, I had decided to dedicate to each star, who is able to arouse my greater interest a separate fanfiction. Knowing that they never will appreciate these efforts, let alone learn about them anyway ;)

In this way, I developed for example fanfictions with Shah Rukh Khan, the great Bollywood star (even as a serial novel, but part 2 loses to Part 1 and Part 3 I have not finished because it was just too bad - YES, I can even criticize myself ;)), David Caruso (Horatio Caine from CSI: Miami), Colin Firth, the stunning Mark Darcy from the Bridget Jones movies, Naveen Andrews (also an actor from LOST, who later shared another fanfic with Dominic Monaghan), Josh Groban, the great baritone (unfortunately unfinished yet) and Simon Baker (The Mentalist, but unfortunately unfinished yet, too), Daniel Radcliffe and Brian Joubert.

The two last ones again even with enormous penchant for figure skating ;)

It is also irrelevant for me to write in the knowledge that I may never publish these novels due to personal rights, because I like to write them for myself.

As I said, many things will never let you go when you get a taste once.

And I'll probably still enjoy this indescribable feeling to be writer and director of the cinema in my head to the written word at the same time :)

Thank you for your valued attention :)

Take care of yourself and feel embraced by your Cosima :)

Hello my dear friends :)

It's time for column again and of course, I don't want to deprive you how setbacks happen in a writer's life :)

Once you have determined that writing is fun indeed and it is a useful pastime, one begins to get hungry - hungry for recognition. You want that many people read what one has formulated in months of self-torture, and after countless writer's block of the soul. You want the people to feel the same when reading what you felt yourself when writing.

I had, as already mentioned, started writing in 2002, but until I found the courage to send one of my novels to a publishing house still nearly 4 years had to go by. My 3rd novel seemed worthy to try it.

Of course, I didn't pick out a big publishing house because I considered to get an rejection reply anyway and this hadn't to come from a corner where only celebrity-books were published with huge names.

Full of hope I sent my work to a publishing house I had found on the internet and tried not to expect too much. After a few weeks there was a letter in the post box - oh my God, from the publishing company! Calm down, old girl, that's only the negative reply!, whispered the pessimist in me. But perhaps you are now at the destination of your dreams arrived!, whispered back the incorrigible optimist inside of me. With shaky fingers I opened the letter - and did not believe my eyes! They liked it! MY novel liked someone outside of my family and circle of friends! Of course, I danced like a rubber ball through the house with joy ..... well, until I looked at enclosure 1 of the letter a little bit closer ;) Suddenly it struck me like dandruff from the hair! THEREFORE, the publisher was so excited and praised my novel to the skies! The enclosure 1 consisted of a "super offer" for publishing my book: EURO 8,000 I should pay for the all-inclusive-carefree package, including the costs of printing the first edition as well as marketing and promotional materials! :( I had picked out with instinctive certainty the underdog among publishers. A subsidy publisher, as I learned later.

And since there were no one in my family with the name Rockefeller, Bill Gates or Kardashian, I buried deeply saddened and disillusioned, the dream of a breakthrough as a new star in the sky of writers :(

But after the first depression I continued, according to the motto: now more than ever :)

It should take another two years until the first publication, but in the meantime I also made a little discouraging experience of another kind.

A competition was proclaimed to come up with an animal inspired crime story. Said and done and not even the character limit put me off to send in 2 short stories, from which one of them made it into the planned anthology. Of course, the joy was again huge - the disillusionment was still greater a few months later, when the organizers of the competition had to cancel the project due to organizational difficulties :(

Another setback for my tortured writer soul :(

To anticipate one sure thing: NEVER it will be easy to accept a NO for something you have put down your heart's blood in for months or weeks!

But you learn to get up again and again after the first uppercut. Even today there are still one or the other rejections but after the first sorrow is gone, you dust yourself off and say: New opportunity, new luck!

And most importantly - THIS isn't the end of the world ... really ;)

Thank you for your kind attention :)

Take care of yourself and feel embraced by your Cosima :)

My dears,

I thought I simply tell you how it went on after taking the first obstacle in writing :)

Back then after finishing my first novel I was like HOORAY, I am the queen of the world, everything’s super, everything’s great, this is what you do from now on regularly…but nearly everything happened nearly totally different ;)

It was a hard, stony way from writing a lot to writing spontaneous short poems but let’s keep it sequentially.

Of course, in the beginning figure skating had grabbed again such a strong hold on me that the first 3 novels of course all played in that kind of sport…and likewise of course they were fanfictions with my heroes from then starring in the main- but also in the supporting roles and I had started to choose songs as the leading motive which became the title of my story.

For saving my honour I maybe should add that soon I reduced the amount of my stories to a normal size. While I didn’t gave the reader half a chance for own fantasy by completely to the detail formulated thoughts, situations and other circumstances in the first novel the follow-up was only a good one-third of the first one :)

Nevertheless, I must admit that until today I still have problems with character handicaps which means when my vocabulary is limited right from the start and I have to write a good story with a restricted amount of letters.

A frightening example is one of my short-stories which I wrote down just like it entered my mind, as usually and while counting the letters there were nearly 20.000 characters too much :( I was up the creek without a paddle because in my opinion the story was absolutely worthy taking part in a competition but what should I do with the characters I had too much? And what did a newbie like I was back then? Right, I did the WRONG thing :( I cut everywhere I could in my story until it fit with the demanded amount of characters…but meanwhile I didn’t fit with my own story anymore :( But the deadline was near and so I sent it on its way though there wasn’t much left of the charm it had to me before :( Of course it came how it had to come…a few weeks later I received the negative reply :( But also stuff like that you have to face and you learn for the future :)

I try to get back to the actual point ;)

The score so far was: first novel done…CHECK! Writing shorter novels…CHECK! Never again trying to cut a short-story from a novel…CHECK! But now I ran into the next level of a seemingly invincible obstacle in my way: Write a poem! HUH???? Poem? Me?? NEVER!! A poem has to rhyme in best of all cases, for heavens sake, I CAN’T DO THAT!!!

The problem was the time. I had found a competition with the topic environment and you could even choose if you wanted to write a short-story (of course again with that unholy limitation of characters) or a poem.

Well, there isn’t much of a choice if you refuse writing a story due to a lack of time, is it?! ;) So I sat down and hatched my very first poem :)

But the sweetest reward was the reply that this from necessity born piece of work had made it into the anthology and so I was very proud of my very first publication which landed 6 years after my first steps as a writer on my bibliography :)

Ever since then many of my poems made it into anthologies and this is kind of surreal sometimes when I think of how I refused writing poems at the beginning…oh well, actually I just stayed true to my principles because at the start I also thought that I couldn’t write a whole novel ;)

And this showed me, at last concerning writing experiments, one sure recognition…DOESN’T WORK DOESN’T EXIST!!! :)

Thank you so much for your valued attention, my dear friends :)

Take care & feel embraced by your Cosima :)